Do not adjust your set...throw it out of the window

Pity the microphone

In some senses, it’s too early to make predictions about the roiling wasps' nest that is Celebrity Big Brother but to hell with sense:

• Donny Tourette will be continue to be the most interesting housemate but we will discover that he secretly a frightened school boy with a Johnny Rotten fetish
• Ken will be evicted first
• H (I'm sorry...Ian) and Jo will form a hideous singing duo to match the sheer mundane misery of his earlier collaboration with Claire (also ex-Steps, now probably performing in a terrible musical)
• Dirk Benedict will leave the house recognised as a great modern wit
• Danielle will expose her breasts in a number of the lesser men's magazines (this is hardly Nostradamus territory as we have a long precedent to call upon)
• Leo Sayer will be driven clinically insane from having to sleep next to Donny's incredibly pale naked form
• Jermaine Jackson will walk, driven mad by Donny's germs
• Towers of will become a permanent fixture in the tabloids and Donny will be linked to a celebrity love. There will be no improvement in his record sales
• Ken will make enough money from newspaper interviews to create his bizarre Odeon style mausoleum with his films on loop, him stuffed to greet people and his ex-wifes made up as embalmed usherettes
• Shilpa's career will be destroyed
• Carole will remain a non-entity and return to writing bile in a tedious tabloid, only this will now be littered with references to her new celebrity 'friends'

Quotes of the day:

Donny Tourette (after being asked about his influences by Jermaine): "I like front men, Freddy Mercury, Axl Rose...even your f*cking brother at a push." [The tact and delicacy shown by Donny makes him an ideal candidate for the Peace Corps or a role in international diplomacy.]

Russell Brand on Donny's conversations with Ken Russell: "It's like Nick Cotton bullying Godfrey from Dad's Army." 

I present the Malice On Music podcast - episode one featuring: New Order, a beautiful girl coming over all tired and emotional and a Peel session track from Pulp.

Podcast one

The question of what to review tonight is a vexed one with the traditional competitive scheduling of the TV moguls leading to a frustrating choice in the prime 9pm slot.

Spooks (BBC1, 9pm)

Rupert Penry Jones: all in the jaw line

Spooks has been even more ridiculous than usual this series with increasingly implausible plots against the state and the traditional death of a character's spouse (a hallmark of the show since the bomb blast at the end of series one that killed of the whole of Matthew McFaddyen's fictional family). But ultimately the show is a rollocking adventure show seasoned with a pinch of violence and painted over with a gloss of overly sexy stars. Tonight's episode is a good one (I was unable to stop myself from pigging out on two episodes last week) with Ruth (a key team member) being framed in a conspiracy and having to leave for the good of the service. It's a gripping end to her on again/off again romance with head of section, Harry Pierce. The tension between them has a rather old fashioned Brief Encounter vibe to it and is a change from the more blantant couplings that usually grace BBC1 post watershed. Having said that the series is teetering on tedious when it comes to its setting up of a relationship between traumatised hero of the piece, Adam Carter, and his son's nanny. In this episode, she descends the stairs in the middle of the night to see him drinking whiskey, shirtless and sad. It's a moment for the women in the audience but its done in a rather heavy handed way.

The Death Of A President (More4, 9pm)

Liberal wish fulfilment

In this fictionalised docudrama we are treated to the death of George W Bush, assassinated as he walks the rope line. Cobbled together from archive footage and cleverly edited original scenes, the film is by all accounts an impressive if queasy viewing experience. I'm not sure if I will take the time to review it this evening - there's something unpleasant about allowing wishful thinking to speculate about the death of another human being. It seems like a rather morbid and distasteful liberal fantasy given full reign. Apparently the result of the assassination is the inauguration of President Cheney and an even worse fate for America and the world. Is is really appropriate for film makers to speculate in this way? Propaganda of any kind is unpleasant and you have to question whether More4 would deign to show a film where Tony Blair was brutally gunned down. We may not like these leaders but it is their use of violence that is most frequently criticised - surely advocating their murder (which is essentially what this film does) is hypocritical.

Nuremberg: The Nazis on Trial (BBC2, 9pm)

Hess: what a mess

Rudolph Hess is the subject of tonight's episode of this ongoing series. Of all the Nazi leaders, he is probably the most interesting and mysterious. Captured in Scotland (by a plucky farmer with a pitchfork), the reason for his flight to the Allies has never really been clear - he claimed Hitler had sent him to broker a peace deal but was denounced by his former friend as a traitor. He then spent the rest of his days in Spandau prison - ending up as its last prisoner. This series is worth a watch, with some fine performances in earlier episodes, but there is a bigger reason for paying attention. In today's society, where our laws are becoming increasingly draconian and our government's have taken to detaining 'terrorists' without trial, it is worth considering how we dealt with some of history's greatest criminals - public trial with the right to a defence. Nuremberg was by no means a perfect or entirely fair process but it was a far cry from secret prisons and "special rendition". Does it ever strike you that the methods advocated by our government in the war on terror are more reminiscent of the Nazi approach to defence than our history of the right to a fair trial?

Robin Hood: a model hero?

The new Robin Hood is filled with allusions to current politics - stricter new laws created for the public good "the law is under threat" as one the Sherrif's men claims at the beginning of the first episode; an unpopular war (the crusades) being waged abroad, the country standing "shoulder to shoulder with Rome" in the words of Keith Allen's Sherrif of Nottingham. But these references are a little heavy handed, ultimately this is adventure series filled with matinee idols and baddies you can boo. It's a glitzy production full of anachronisms which critics have been quick to pick up on. But viewers want a fantastic tea time romp and this provides it, with a heroic Robin [Jonas Armstrong] (who looks a little too young), a gruff voiced and villainous Guy of Gisborne and Keith Allen chewing the scenery as if it were big chunks of ham. My favourite character from the first

Allen: delightfully devious

Robin Hood, BBC1, Saturdays, 7pm

A positive review from the Guardian
Mixed feelings from the Newsnight Review panel